There is a quarrel going on behind me

It is not between lovers

But a drunk and a moron

Both complaining about the same thing

Both agreeing to disagree

The argument goes nowhere

Just like it does every night

And I can only sit here and listen

To the language spewed from their ignorant lips

I wish that I was in a different place

Away from the drunken drama that seems so high school

But I can’t escape for another four months

Then the terrible summer creeps along uncontrollably

Like a baby exploring the house for the first time

I wonder why I sit here and put up with the television that isn’t being watched

It has to be turned up so loud that the people on the other side of the concrete

Can hear, word for word, the life of President Lincoln.

My mouth tastes of stale air

But I can’t brush my teeth

I would have to come face to face with the bitterness

Not of the fight

But that devil

That reflection that haunts me

If only I could see something else

Like a model in an ad for jeans

Ever notice that those models are always half naked?

Fuck the other clothes, we only sell pants

Who cares if it is winter, in a restaurant, and crowded

Let’s just take off our clothes and celebrate our chests

As if nothing else mattered.

But that never shows up

Just my ever-present reminder of who I am

And where I am.

At least the voices have dimmed down

Howard Stern must be on the television

Only his vulgarity can calm two raging beasts

Now I turn off the lights and whisper my thoughts

Into the darkness of my room:

I am in love with you.

I can’t keep my mind off of you.

I don’t want to think of anything else.

But you can’t know.

You can’t feel this way.

I am in love with you.

I am in love with you.

It sounds so surreal.

You seem so surreal.

I want you to be in love with me.

I want what can’t be had.

I am in love with you.

Fuck.

The voices are becoming boisterous once again

And my secrets dissipate

The light is turned on and a wave of pointless anger and gin flows into the room

I shouldn’t have to put up with this

I should be somewhere else

I am in love with you is all I can get out before I am taken away from my thoughts

The television is turned up louder

The gin is corrupting this apartment

That and the absence of commonality

We are too different to ever be friends

Somehow it has worked up till now

Now there are secrets between some

And talk behind backs

I wish I wasn’t spending my first year as a man like this.

I must keep my mind my own

Not let be filled with the fucked up dialogue going on in the other room,

I am in love with you

I am in love with you

I am in love with you

Doesn’t it sound so pleasant and romantic?

The repetition of that phrase

But is it for you?

Could I possibly be thinking of you?

This time only I will know for sure

This time I am not letting the secret out unless I want it spread.

Last time was disastrous

A bevy of emotions wrecked a simple thing

I can’t believe the pain that it brought

This time I will watch my words

This time it will not vanish so easily

I am in love with only you.

Only you.

I

Love

You

Only

Shhhhhhhh, don’t tell it to the world

Shhhhhhhh, keep it safe, keep it here

Shhhhhhhh, I am in love with you

I can’t say it enough

It feels so good.

But when I can say it to your face,

It will be as if nothing could bring me down from my castle in the clouds.

2 a.m. finally draws a close to the day

And the bitter rivals slump into their respective beds

I am left to whisper once again

Only this time I must be more careful

Even the sleeping have ears

Even the quiet can hear

Even the motionless tell stories.

Thus ends another night of telling myself my secrets

In six and a half hours

I will tell my self them again

In six and a half hours I will be free to whisper without anyone hearing

I am in love with you.