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There is a quarrel going on behind me It is not between lovers But a drunk and a moron Both complaining about the same thing Both agreeing to disagree The argument goes nowhere Just like it does every night And I can only sit here and listen To the language spewed from their ignorant lips I wish that I was in a different place Away from the drunken drama that seems so high school But I can’t escape for another four months Then the terrible summer creeps along uncontrollably Like a baby exploring the house for the first time I wonder why I sit here and put up with the television that isn’t being watched It has to be turned up so loud that the people on the other side of the concrete Can hear, word for word, the life of President Lincoln. My mouth tastes of stale air But I can’t brush my teeth I would have to come face to face with the bitterness Not of the fight But that devil That reflection that haunts me If only I could see something else Like a model in an ad for jeans Ever notice that those models are always half naked? Fuck the other clothes, we only sell pants Who cares if it is winter, in a restaurant, and crowded Let’s just take off our clothes and celebrate our chests As if nothing else mattered. But that never shows up Just my ever-present reminder of who I am And where I am. At least the voices have dimmed down Howard Stern must be on the television Only his vulgarity can calm two raging beasts Now I turn off the lights and whisper my thoughts Into the darkness of my room: I am in love with you. I can’t keep my mind off of you. I don’t want to think of anything else. But you can’t know. You can’t feel this way. I am in love with you. I am in love with you. It sounds so surreal. You seem so surreal. I want you to be in love with me. I want what can’t be had. I am in love with you. Fuck. The voices are becoming boisterous once again And my secrets dissipate The light is turned on and a wave of pointless anger and gin flows into the room I shouldn’t have to put up with this I should be somewhere else I am in love with you is all I can get out before I am taken away from my thoughts The television is turned up louder The gin is corrupting this apartment That and the absence of commonality We are too different to ever be friends Somehow it has worked up till now Now there are secrets between some And talk behind backs I wish I wasn’t spending my first year as a man like this. I must keep my mind my own Not let be filled with the fucked up dialogue going on in the other room, I am in love with you I am in love with you I am in love with you Doesn’t it sound so pleasant and romantic? The repetition of that phrase But is it for you? Could I possibly be thinking of you? This time only I will know for sure This time I am not letting the secret out unless I want it spread. Last time was disastrous A bevy of emotions wrecked a simple thing I can’t believe the pain that it brought This time I will watch my words This time it will not vanish so easily I am in love with only you. Only you. I Love You Only Shhhhhhhh, don’t tell it to the world Shhhhhhhh, keep it safe, keep it here Shhhhhhhh, I am in love with you I can’t say it enough It feels so good. But when I can say it to your face, It will be as if nothing could bring me down from my castle in the clouds. 2 a.m. finally draws a close to the day And the bitter rivals slump into their respective beds I am left to whisper once again Only this time I must be more careful Even the sleeping have ears Even the quiet can hear Even the motionless tell stories. Thus ends another night of telling myself my secrets In six and a half hours I will tell my self them again In six and a half hours I will be free to whisper without anyone hearing I am in love with you.
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