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Burn

Written by  Danny Jarrett

 

She woke up. Where she wasn't tattooed, she was purple in the blacklight. The room smelled like sex, cigarettes, and ambergris.

"Did you ever kill anyone?" She communicated with me only by asking questions, and by talking dirty to me.

"No."

"Have you ever wanted to?"

"A couple times."

"Yeah?"

"You ever kill anyone?"

"When I lived in Maryland, my roomate was a crip. He used to piss me off a lot, and one day I shot at him with his own gun. I missed and He moved out. I hope he's dead."

I didn't say anything.

"Does that bother you?" I shook my head "no," and watched her light a joint. She passed it, and it hurt.

I opened the window so we could smoke. Drunk college guys propositioned whores across the street. I could smell the rotten beer breath all the way from there, or maybe I just imagined it. The boys walked away, zombies. The whores stayed, statues. Soon, they would have to move out. No one could afford pussy at that price. They would barter for speed after that, I guess. It's not just a whore's ultimate destiny, but man's: get a career, be successful, even if the cost is dying toothless at a truck stop. Nothing to stop it.

"What do you see?" she asked. I had been staring out the window for more than just a moment.

"Shit."

"The drunk kids and the whores?"

"Yeah."

"They're always there."

"I know."

"Do you think they're always gonna be there?"

"No."

"I hate them. The boys are loud and the girls are ugly."

"Yeah, there's that one mean one."

"The Mexican bitch?"

"No, she's white. I think she's new."

"Oh, that one."

"Yeah, the Mexican one's pretty bad, though. You're right."

I turned around and watched he lay there while I smoked. She watched me watching her, and smiled. It was the first time that she had smiled in a long time. I didn't believe that she could smile anymore. Her teeth were crooked, and I liked that. Her mascara had been running all night long in big, black tears and her hair was sticking to it.

"Why do we fuck?" She asked.

"I fuck you because I like it. And because I know that you like it."

"Do you like me?"

"Yeah."

"Do you feel like you know me, though?"

"No. Not well."

"Does that bother you?"

"Yes."

"Do you think I know you better than you know me?"

"I don't know. I doubt it."

"Bullshit."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"What do you know about me that I don't know about you?"

"A lot. Do you want to know?"

"Not really. I already know about myself."

"You'd rather hear about me?"

"Sure."

She told me everything. It was a lot to consider when she was done.

"What do you think?" She smiled again. She was up to something.

"I don't know what to say. It doesn't bother me, or any of that shit. I liked hearing it. I wanted to hear all of that, forever."

"Why didn't you ever do what I just did, for me?"

"I don't know."

"The only thing I know about you is the fact that you're too uptight to tell me shit."

"You lied?"

"I had to. You left me no choice."

I didn't say anything.

"Did I lay it on too hard?"

"No."

"Do you think I'm more brave than you?"

"Yes." I was suprised that she knew.

"I'm not. You don't need courage. Just confidence."

"I know."

"Do it, then."

"I wish I could. I wish I was like you."

"I've done some bad things. I still do. I use you."

"I use you."

"Yeah."

We didn't say anything until we fucked again. Afterwards, she lit another joint and we passed it for a while.

"Did you ever want to die?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"You wouldn't understand."

She looked at me for a second, then held me down and burned me with the joint. It took me by suprise and I didn't struggle, I just kept staring at her teeth as she grinned.
 

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