She had stripped to the waist, and was giving me a puzzled look. She didn't understand that i was content to watch, and was too tired for much else. I interacted only by feeling her gropes and her breath. I held onto her wrists and moved them away calmly, and then she asked:
"Faggot?"
"No."
"Why not, then?"
I shook my head and looked away.
"Tired, or what?"
"Yeah." It came out hoarse, and I hoped, briefly, that it would be convincing.
"Fuck that."
"I know."
She took out a cigarette, held it in her mouth, and pawed around in her small, white plastic purse for a light.
"I mean..." I trailed off. she kept fucking with the purse, so I took out a book of paper matches and struck one, and lit the stoge for her.
She looked at the flame as it ate up the excess paper at the tip, let out a puff of paper-hit, and then looked at me. She took a proper drag and held the cigarette away from her face, the cherry pointed at my waist.
"And?" she said, exhaling.
"It's nothing. I don't remember what it feels like, and I'm just...afraid...that I won't like it."
"Was your first time bad?"
"Yeah."
"Come too fast?"
"Rubber broke."
"Shit."
"Yeah."
"Well, it'll be like your first time, only not a disaster."
"It's gonna be a disaster."
"Why? You? Me? What?"
"Maybe me. Maybe you. It doesn't feel right to begin with, that's all."
"You're a cold shower, kid. But it's okay." She was still topless. "I'm not pissed."
"I ain't worried about pissed, I'm worried about disappointed."
"Never gave me the chance."
"Hey..."
She shook her head and dismissed it. She was cool with it. She looked up and gave me a smirk.
She put her bra back on while looking at the Polaroids on my mirror. Some were of ex-girlfriends, some of my buddies' sisters.
"All these girls are super hot."
"Yeah, i know."
She put her shirt on. A wife beater. One of the sleeves was crooked and I helped her with it. My fingertip rubbed against the bare part of her shoulder and I felt her flesh twitch a little under my fleeting touch.
"Thanks, shug'." She took the last drag of her cigarette, coughed twice, then walked over to my coffee table and put the butt in my tray.
After she put her sneakers back on, she said: "I don't want to be a dick, but I don't want to wait around for you to kick me out either, so I'm going now."
"Okay, it's cool. I'll call you or some shit, alright?"
"You shouldn't."
"You hope I won't, you mean?"
"I don't know."
I helped her with her huge fur coat and asked her if she needed a ride back. She said she had a butterfly knife in her back pocket, and then thanked me for the offer.
I started to open the door for her, then stopped.
"Will you stay?"
She looked at me blankly and refused to react. She took out another cigarette, looked at it long enough to light it, then kept staring at me. She didn't answer for a long time.